Some PG-13 material involved

If you are a minor- or the parent of one who is standing over your shoulder- you might want to read with caution.
If this were the Oprah show, the man with "the" voice would say, "Today's Oprah Show features adult content. Parental discretion is advised".

Jason and I have been suckered into {that was for you, Amanda} asked to lead a workshop this weekend called the Christian View of Sex. It is the official United Methodist Church's curriculum for sexual education (but I can't find a link for it- hmmm). Oh, did I mention that we will be teaching MIDDLE SCHOOLERS!!!! If I had a knife stabbing/ horror movie screaming sound effect I would insert it here.

Yes, Jason and I teach middle school students every week with youth, so we would be an obvious choice, I guess, but somehow the word "vagina"- or even "va-jay-jay" never comes up in our discussions on the Bible or their school life, so I'm afraid this is about to get weird. I don't want our relationships with them to go to that level of weirdness, so I'm a little apprehensive. Supposedly, we get a wonderful training to teach us how to impart their hormone-filled minds with Godly answers. Well, we got that training last night and I'm still a little scared.

Truly, the training was fine and I know the program will be great, but I am still terrified... of 6th- 8th graders. Pimply, brace-faced, smart allec kids who I already KNOW, but still they are somewhat "my" kids and I can't help to feel that parental awkwardness.

Everything is supposed to go much more smoothly after pictionary on Friday night. Yes, uh-huh. That's right. Once we get all the official body parts named and out there and the whole group screams "scrotum" all together to get their point in the game- then things are supposedly going to get easier. Oh my.

I am not a prude, nor do I think this subject matter should be skipped over. On the contrary, Robin (our trainer) made a wonderful point the other night. She said that the church did a great job of teaching kids about all the blessings that they receive from God- except this one. So, the program focuses on the positive aspects of sexuality (defined as everything that makes us a man or a woman) and teaches them abstinence with the facts. They need to know the truth since so much of what they "learn" is from other friends who don't know their ovum from their rectum a darn thing.

We will not only talk about facts, act out situations and play games, but there is also a question box during each session. EACH of the kids will have to write a question to put in the anonymous question box so that no one will no who wrote what. Thankfully, there is a time period built in after each session where all the leaders go into a room, furiously write down all the questions on a big post it note pad {giggle and snicker at some of the questions} and then we get strategic tips {okay fine- probably the whole answer} from Robin on how to answer. We also have a notebook full of resources and facts, so I'm sure those will be helpful.

I can go ahead and tell you that I am taking deep breaths right now. {I think I can do this. Yes, we can do this.} The hard part- honestly- is going to be keeping a straight face. There are only so many times I can think, "That's what she said" without collapsing into giggles on the floor. And Jason and I have to sit across from each other in the room- which I do NOT think will fit well into our strengths. If you happen to know us in person, you know that we are goofy. Dorky goofy. Who in the WORLD asked us to do this again? That would be my good friend Amanda- the Youth Associate at our church. Shown here with her husband Larry as Batman and Bat Woman. As you can see, she obviously has impaired judgement. But she and Larry will be the other group leaders, so we will definitely have a fun time comparing notes with them.

So, I am going to have to channel my inner adult this weekend and make this happen. Our sessions are Friday night and all day Saturday. Then we have a 2 hour session with the parents to tell them what we talked about and then what their kids (in general- no specifics) think about sex and their sexuality and how they can continue the conversation. So, any prayers that you've gotten lying around and you want to toss them our way would be greatly appreciated.

I'm off to read up on STDs, homosexuality, the clinical terms: erection, semen and intercourse.

That's what she said.