Friday, July 24, 2009

My Stint as a Stage Mom

I'm sure you are picturing me on Toddlers and Tiaras right now, but I don't think I could handle that stage dad they keep showing on the previews. The one who teaches his daughter the "routines"? Please tell me you've seen that. A little disturbing for my taste.

Back to the story: my friend Kathy at Sew Beautiful {who featured Henry and Ollie in her magazine} called me this week to ask if they could model at the Sew Beautiful Conference fashion show. Of course I said yes, like any mother in the world would have, right?

So we get to the Civic Center, pay our $5 to park and find the dressing rooms for the fashion show. There were signs everywhere directing us, the clothes were laid out with names on them, instructions were printed as to what to wear, where to go, how to return, etc. These people have their act together.

Here's the thing I learned very quickly: These People Have GIRLS.

There is a huge gender difference here and I don't know if they pull little girls aside to teach this, but my boys missed the class. They could not give a flying rip about a fashion show. I got them dressed and they were so excited to tear into the cool gifts that Kathy got them for participating.

Here is Henry in his cute Robot smock jumper and extremely loud new whistle. {For your sewing folks, this pattern will be in the November issue of Sew Beautiful. Everyone else *ahem* including ME, please resume below:}

Little H with smocked robots.1

Ollie is wearing the same pattern {rockets and robots}, but from what I can tell, it's a bowling shirt.
On another note, can anyone honestly tell me that they think this child below looks 3? I'll have you know- he is- although he looks 5. I have proof of his age; I was there when he was born.

Big man.1

Here are my guys in their matching outfits. They looked so cute together!

Matching outfits.1

Ollie's gift for participating was a box of legos. Jason felt it was necessary to put them together ASAP. So, here you have my dressing room full of 3 boys.

Daddy with the legos.1

And we were actually a little early *This. Never. Happens.* and had too much time to kill. Just enough time to get really dirty in other people's clothes.

And this is how you do the worm.1

Just a little dirtier before the show.1

Finally, the time to go on stage was here. The girls were so excited! They were running down the hallways, primping their hair in the mirrors at the last minute, adjusting their tiaras , etc.
Jason left to go take pictures/ video and I was going to walk the boys down the aisle in case of emergency.
Ollie starts to have a conniption about wanting Daddy. So, they scoot us to the front of the line since I have a screamer.
Please note this is where "Emergency" is declared and I am now walking down the runway with them. Below is the only picture we have of the big event:

On the runway... and thrilled.1

Halfway down the L-O-N-G catwalk in front of 300 old ladies people, Ollie spots Jason and jumps off the runway to a gasp in the audience.
All the while Kathy is emcee-ing in the background and describing their outfits.
Henry then sees his moment to shine and starts a full on sprint down the remainder of the walk way. He gets a roar of laughter from the geriatric sewing committee and almost makes it into someone's arms at the end until he turns around and I catch him. And have to carry him back the rest of the way.

As I'm returning with one child on hip and one screaming in the distance, I see a girl with long, curled, red hair in a beautiful pink dress made by her grandmother {I hear Kathy saying}. She knew what she was doing; she walked that runway like she owned the joint. I think she was about 18 months old.

And this is the difference between boys and girls. Is there something in their genetics that makes them pre-disposed to showing off? Or knowing that attention is FUN?
I realize I'm asking these questions like I'm not a girl {and I am, of course}, but when did we learn it?

I should have known better. I learned long ago that Ollie doesn't care about performing at all.
I guess I should be thankful that this was only a $5 lesson {+ free toys, so I'm sure we came out ahead}. And the best part is, I'll have a great blackmail story for his friends in high school.

So that is the story of my short career as a stage mom. Jason summed it up well as we were leaving with, "Aaaaannnnnd I guess they won't be asking us back next year...".


Bobbi Janay said...

Did you see the last episode of toddlers and tiaras with the mom who didn't open her mouth enough when she talked and obviously preferred one daughter over the other.

Sabrina said...

Too funny! I am amazed that you even got them out of the dressingroom. Lucius would have stayed with the legos and train whistle. Maggie however would have walked and twirled the whole way (as long as she had a dress on). Have not decided about pagents yet. I was in a coulpe but only because I asked to be. So maybe if the girls ask I will let them, but only the locals stuff. And def nothing where you have to shell out hundreds of bucks!

The Gunters said...

I wish I could have seen that! :)
I keep seeing the Toddlers & Tiaras commercials and I've seen that crazy dad! I plan on watching the next just looks too entertaining not to watch!

Brandi said...

Oh, that's funny. Your boys are so cute, and your oldest does look at least 5!!! :)

Rebekah said...

Ahhhh...your story brings back memories. My Wedding Day, Nathaniel was 4.5 years old and hit the floor, refusing the go down the isle, when I got him up he ran down the isle screaming to Darren who was of course waiting for me.

Lori said...

What a hilarious experience! I totally know what you're talking about with that "T & T" commercial - it makes me a little ill, actually. Pair that with "My Super Sweet 16" and it would be my own little hour and a half in reality tv hell...

Got a giveaway going, so stop by and toss your name in the hat! ;)

Carrie said...

That is absolutely hilarious! I'm not sure it's a boy/girl thing because you know that although my girls would have LOVED to dress up, they probably would have done the exact same thing!

Diana Williams said...

I've seen that commercial for Toddlers and Tiaras. That show isn't something I want to watch anyway, but that dad is over the top!
I love the bowling shirt! But I don't sew...

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

ADORABLE boys! Seriously! And, those clothes were too cute. I know exactly what you are saying about boys. My daughter, who is 3, let me put her hair in rollers for Easter. She loved all of the primping and fuss. The girl knows how to twirl a dress and keep a new outfit clean and wrinkle free. My boys are 6 and 9 and they both walked out of the house on Easter morning with EVERYTHING untucked and wrinkled. Nevermind all of the ironing, planning, and fuss I put into their appearance that day.

Love your husband's last comment. Great story!

Mrs. Nurse Boy

Your Frugal Friend, Niki said...

Hi there! Just poppin in to let you know that you are the winner of my Starbucks gift card giveaway. Email me with your info so I can send it out to ya!



Farmgirl Paints said...

Yep boys are alot different than girls. They sure did look cute though.

Lori said...

Congrats - you won the giveaway! :)

Jenn McPherson said...

I feel like I was there! There is always a catch to "modeling" right??? You gotta start somewhere...

Donna said...

How stinkin hilarious. Southern Living asked Marky to be a ring bearer in a wedding issue once and I said no. He was three and I knew for a FACT he would ruin the photo shoot. Glad you worked the runway your OWNself! Get it girl- and p.s. the bowling shirt is hilarious.

Emily said...

too funny!!

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