Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Dear Mr. Robinson, I owe you an apology

Blog stats can be addicting- like brownies that you made too early for your child's new teacher on the first day of school. They keep staring at you and telling you if you eat just one she'll never know.

And then a day later, there are only 3 small crumbly brownies left because you ate the vast majority in little tiny bites.

Not that I know or anything. {ahem} Where was I?

If you write a blog you know this phenomenon all too well. What's it going to hurt if you just peek at your stats? I use Google Analytics and the best part about the service is that they show you what people Googled to get to your site.

Now, here are my Top 5 favorite searches {just to clarify- not the most popular, but my favorite} that lead you, dear reader, to this site this month:

5. Cute Teen Boys
Really? Have I ever mentioned this? I have cute boys, but heaven forbid if they are ever teens. I know it won't happen, so stop all your talk of "time flies" and "enjoy it now". I can't hear you over the screaming from the train arguments and the cartoons. And that's how it will always be. I'm sure of it.

4. Magic 8 Ball Marriage
If I had a Magic 8 Ball for Marriages, I would have sold it at my sorority house and saved people about $48 million on big 'ole weddings. And I would have saved myself about $5,000 in pink silk bridesmaid dresses "that I'm sure you'll wear again" .

3. Old Stacked
What does this mean? What does it all mean? I hope these people eventually found what they were looking for... And I sure hope it wasn't here.

2. Large-Tinkey
This sounds like one of the Jay Leno horrible wedding announcements. To the Large and Tinkey families, I am so sorry for your unfortunate union. I will let you know how things turn out with my 8 ball. And if this is not a marriage, I do not want to know what a "tinkey" is. Thank you.

1. Smokey Robinson Has Fake Eyes
OK. So I may have mentioned once that I think Smokey had an eyeball transplant.

I don't even know if those are real, but if they are Smokey has the corner on the market. He most likely has the best colored contact salesman who keeps telling him, "it looks natural".

Yes, Smokey. As natural as, say, a deer in headlights. Ironically, this is also the look I return to you when I can't turn my eyes from yours.

With all this said, I'm sorry to make fun of your eyes, Smokey. I hope it's not YOU out there Googling to check if anyone says you have fake eyes. If you will just sing a little Tracks of My Tears or Second that Emotion, I will forgive you.

But if a tear falls out of that fake eye ball while you are singing I'm going to check to make sure it is real.

If it's not I'm going to sic my large tinkey on you. Whatever that means.


mary caroline said...

Hill! This is hilarious!!

Emily said...

that's so weird! and sorry about the pink silk bridemaids dress...

The Writer Chic said...

You need to give me a crash course in GA. I have it signed up, but I have no idea how to utilize it!

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

You are so funny! You crack me up! I love seeing what people googled to get to my blog. Although, it can be a bit scary. One time I made fun of New Kids On The Block and their fans came out of the woodworks and let's just say they were not a fan of mine. YIKES!!

Mrs. Nurse Boy

Ashley said...

Ok, I'm cracking up right now, too funny!!!!! :)

Katie said...

I just peed my pants!

Amy Bayliss said...

Look stacked mama,

I'm sure you can just round up the cute teen boys and play around with the magic 8 ball to determine whether or not Smokey's eyes are real. In the meantime, save the brownies for the Large/Tinkey wedding. If you don't, Jay Leno just may come after you.

Brandi said...

LOL, Hillary! Oh my word!

Heather, aka Jake's Mommy said...

Haha, you have me in tears! It's amazing what people actually Google! I'm super curious about the large-tinkey.

VanderbiltWife said...

Hehe. Had to go look at some of mine. Here are some classics:

"laugh large girl eat meat loaf tomato sauce picture" OH MY

"brides peeing at her wedding"

and I get a whole lot of searches for "big fannies." EEK.

Mary @ Giving Up On Perfect said...

I love this game. I’ve been thinking of playing it at my blog, what with my recent bout of writer’s block and all. ;) As for Mr. Robinson, well, I just don’t think he can blame you. Those eyes ARE a little . . . off . . .

Lori said...

Clever post! :)

BASSakward Tales said...

old stacked momma and large tinkey....that is hilarious...i am so glad that i am not the only one in blogworld who crazy things happen to

Bobbi Janay said...

How funny.

Hollie and Janie said...

funny post and i so needed a laugh this morning! i think that smokey's eyes are so alien-like b/c he has had so many facelifts! His skin is pulled so tautly they protrude beyond belief! I agree with the color... it's like the girl that tell george hamilton his spray tan doesn't look at bit orange!

Amy said...

That is hilarious!

Nicole said...

I'd take the "old STACKED" part as a compliment... ;)

Farmgirl Paints said...

Too funny and I met Smokey Robinson once. He was on the same plane I was on and when he got off he looked at me (with his strange eyes) and said hello. Seemed very friendly and all:)

Tami said...

Hi there Hillary! Just wanted you to know that I dropped by for a smile! I just finished my morning devotional study with curlers in my hair and a green mask on my face (thought I'd leave you a laugh while I am here)...and should have been about getting all of that 'stuff' off 15 minutes ago (I'll now be late to my morning meeting...oops!) but I just wanted to see what you and the boys had been up to. Looking forward to seeing what have to share next! Thanks for the smile.

annieck said...

Ok, TOTALLY cracking up!!!

tara said...

hi! wondering how i found your blog? by checking flickr stats, seeing that google searches for "stacked mama" were being diverted to me, and also to you!
hello, fellow stacked mama :)

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