Dear Mr. Robinson, I owe you an apology

Blog stats can be addicting- like brownies that you made too early for your child's new teacher on the first day of school. They keep staring at you and telling you if you eat just one she'll never know.

And then a day later, there are only 3 small crumbly brownies left because you ate the vast majority in little tiny bites.

Not that I know or anything. {ahem} Where was I?

If you write a blog you know this phenomenon all too well. What's it going to hurt if you just peek at your stats? I use Google Analytics and the best part about the service is that they show you what people Googled to get to your site.

Now, here are my Top 5 favorite searches {just to clarify- not the most popular, but my favorite} that lead you, dear reader, to this site this month:

5. Cute Teen Boys
Really? Have I ever mentioned this? I have cute boys, but heaven forbid if they are ever teens. I know it won't happen, so stop all your talk of "time flies" and "enjoy it now". I can't hear you over the screaming from the train arguments and the cartoons. And that's how it will always be. I'm sure of it.

4. Magic 8 Ball Marriage
If I had a Magic 8 Ball for Marriages, I would have sold it at my sorority house and saved people about $48 million on big 'ole weddings. And I would have saved myself about $5,000 in pink silk bridesmaid dresses "that I'm sure you'll wear again" .

3. Old Stacked Mama.com
What does this mean? What does it all mean? I hope these people eventually found what they were looking for... And I sure hope it wasn't here.

2. Large-Tinkey
This sounds like one of the Jay Leno horrible wedding announcements. To the Large and Tinkey families, I am so sorry for your unfortunate union. I will let you know how things turn out with my 8 ball. And if this is not a marriage, I do not want to know what a "tinkey" is. Thank you.

1. Smokey Robinson Has Fake Eyes
OK. So I may have mentioned once that I think Smokey had an eyeball transplant.

I don't even know if those are real, but if they are Smokey has the corner on the market. He most likely has the best colored contact salesman who keeps telling him, "it looks natural".

Yes, Smokey. As natural as, say, a deer in headlights. Ironically, this is also the look I return to you when I can't turn my eyes from yours.

With all this said, I'm sorry to make fun of your eyes, Smokey. I hope it's not YOU out there Googling to check if anyone says you have fake eyes. If you will just sing a little Tracks of My Tears or Second that Emotion, I will forgive you.

But if a tear falls out of that fake eye ball while you are singing I'm going to check to make sure it is real.

If it's not I'm going to sic my large tinkey on you. Whatever that means.