Monday, November 16, 2009

In which the word "Douche" appears on my blog

I am here to tell you I am lyrically challenged.

It all started with MJ back in good ole days. I had the Thriller album {YES- vinyl} and played that thing till it melted- or was warped. Who remembers what those big old Frisbees-lookin’ things did anyway?

Back to Michael, when he sang Billie Jean, we moon walked across our brown shag carpet and sang, “Billie Jean has got my glove, UHH”.

There was no mention of a “lover” in our version and I’m pretty sure my parents were happy that way! It wasn’t until college that I knew the real words.

I also thought a Chest of Drawers was called “Chester Drawers” until my college roommate told me otherwise, but I’d never reveal my redneckness to the whole wide world, so let’s keep that under wraps, okay?

I love these song mix ups, so for Amanda’s Top Ten Tuesday, I’m playing along with the Top 10 Songs whose lyrics I have mistakenly identified or have just made fun of because they sounded funny.

1. Billie Jean/ Michael Jackson
- See above. She’s "got my glove, UHH”

2. Beast of Burden/ Rolling Stones
- “I’ll never leave your pizza burning” {pronounced “peeetza”, obviously}

3. Hotel California/ The Eagles
- “On a dark desert highway, cool whip in my hair” {especially fun to sing on road trips}

4. Purple Haze/ Jimi Hendrix
- “Excuse me while I kiss this guy” {No explanation needed here. I would definitely kiss this little guy:}
Nov 09.1 073

5. Blinded by the Light/ Mannfred Mann’s Earth Band {of course I had to look that up}
- Do I even need to write this? You know there is a “douche” in this song and it makes me kinda cringe, but it has to go on this list. What in the world were those stupid words?

6. Secret Agent Man/ Johnny Rivers
- “Secret Asian Man” {especially fun at Chinese restaurant, but probably in poor taste}

7. Bad Moon Rising/ CCR
- “There’s a bathroom on the right” {always fun at a frat party and usually correct!}

8. Night Moves/ Bob Seger
- “Workin’ on a knife wound” {I guess I got this and the Night Shift – an ER night shift- song confused.}

9. Bennie and the Jetts/ Elton John
- “she’s got electric boobs, a mohair suit, you know I read it in a maga-zeeee—haaane” {Clearly this is true since he read it in a magazine.}

10. Tiny Dancer/ Elton John
- “Hold me closer, Tony Danza” {You'd think with this being the title, one would know the words, but it's just much more fun to picture Elton and Tony, isn't it?}
hold me closer, Tony Danza

Ah, yes. Have a lovely day.
You can thank me later when you are still singing about Tony Danza at dinner.

So what are your favorites from this list?
What lyric did I leave out that you always got confused/ laughed about?

And please tell me the words to that wretched feminine hygiene song if you know them... I've got to get THAT and Tony Danza out of my head.

Hopefully I can replace with some peeeeetza and cool whip in my hair.


pendy said...

Here ya go:

Blinded by the light,
revved up like a deuce,
another runner in the night

For the rest of the ridiculous lyrics:

pendy said...

Oh, and we also sang War's Slipping Into Darkness as "slipping into dog mess". Of course we were young and immature. Ha.

April said...

In "Fly" by Sugar Ray (1996) my son would sing "My mama, she loves to sew". The correct words, are "My mama, God rest her soul."

Carrie said...

Too funny!

I always mixed up the words in Madonna's La Isla Bonita with "Last night I dreamt of some bagels..."

Diana said...


Even though I know perfectly well it's "Secret Agent Man," I still insist on singing it "Secret Asian Man." And I'm half-Chinese, so I give you permission to sing it in the Chinese restaurant. It's only really half-Chinese food anyway, right?

Stephanie B said...

Not really a case of mistaken lyrics... But growing up, my Mom used to sing "House of the Rising Sun" around the house. (Granted, it is a cool song.) Wasn't until I got to college that I discovered the song was about a brothel in New Orleans!

Anonymous said..., before I even finished your post I was going to tell you the song that I always messed up and my husband thinks is hilarious....but, it was already on your list!

I always sang..."Secret Asian man"...and never thought there was anything weird about it!

And, the picture of Tony (be still my adolescent-who's-the-boss-loving-heart)and Elton...greatly disturbing and now etched in my brain...thank you for that. :-)

amykat said...

I sang Secret Asian man, too! My family makes fun of me all the time for being "that one" who always gets the words wrong in a song.
One of my infamous phrases was in Avril Lavigne's "Skater Boy"...I always thought she was singing,
"he was a skinny boy..."

LeAnne said...

love this list!! i TOTALLY thought it was secret Asian man!! and i, too, was an adult before i realized that it wasn't chester drawers. i always wondered about this Chester. What did he do that got a piece of bedroom furniture named after him??

sherrypg said...

My 9 year old son was walking through the house the other night singing Deck the Halls - "Donny now our day in peril".

dawn said...

Tony Danza! I am still cracking up! That is hysterical.

yeah, I was a douche-singer too. we all were.

My husband changes lyrics on purpose and ruins perfectly good songs for me--cause I can't hear them without cracking up. The only ones i can remember right now are kinda PG-13, so I apologize:

From the king and I-- "Shall we dance? (cha cha cha) Shall we take off all our clothes and run around? (cha cha cha).

And "Smooth Operator" has forever become "Smooth Ovulator" to me.

I'm sorry on his behalf...but you asked. :)

Anonymous said...

one of my friends thought the chorus for fine young cannibals "she drives me crazy" was

she drives me crazy
like warm, warm milk

instead of

she drives me crazy
like no one else


Mary @ Giving Up On Perfect said...

Did you photoshop Tony Danza into that picture? Or did it actually exist? Because maybe the words DO include our favorite guy from Who's the Boss. Maybe Elton does love him some Tony...

Um, wait...

Anyway. As others have said, it's deuce. But I only really know that because I read an article about it one time.

Anonymous said...

I just found your site through Tasty Tuesday, but this was the post that really caught my attention! I can't remember any mainstream songs that I really messed up (being a preacher's kid, we didn't listen to the radio a lot) but boy did I screw up hymns.

I remember singing at the top of my lungs "Jesus' blood can make the violent sinner clean!" (vilest, not violent)

Matt, Carrie, Lucy and Molly Allen said...

oh hillary! you had me cracking up for real!! matt always messes up words or just makes up his own when he can't remember them....i used to think "tiny dancer" said "hold me close, i'm tired of dancing"...hey, it makes sense!kinda. ha! oh and my little brother used to think bon jovi's "living on a prayer" said, "i don't care if we're naked or not" (of course it is really make it or not) and that 80s song that says "every time you go away, you take a piece of MEAT with you" yeah, it is really take a piece of "me"...that's another one my little brother used to say. good times.

Scott & Liz said...

I think you hit on most of mine, too. But on the topic of Christmas carols, "Hark & Harold, the angels, sing" all through the holidays around here. And THAT is with the compliments of my uncle.

Kelly said...

G-version songs my little girl used to sing

Patty cake
Patty cake
Bake YOUR man
Bake me a cake as fast as you can


Row Row Row
your boat
gently down the street
Merrily merrily merrily
Life's a butter dream

Anonymous said...

Oh I just thought of another!

Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" turned into "I Kissed a Squirrel" thanks to my friend Worren!

Chrissy said...

This post made my day! :]

oh amanda said...

SO funny. Tony Danza. LOL.

Emilie said...

When I was a kid, "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" by Simon & Garfunkel was a big hit. Instead of "no need to be coy, Roy" I sang "no need to be corduroy." Cracked my parents up.

My niece sings "She's got a chicken to ride . . ."

The Gunter Family said...

I still thought it was the D word in Blinded by the just now informed that it wasn't!
My faves are instead of "Higher Love" by Steve Winwood, I thought it was "High or Low"
And more recently...Miley's new song I thought it was "With a Dream and my Card Again"
Oh well....I'm quite famous for these mix ups.... :)

Melissa @ The Littlest Lobo said...

Two that come to mind for me are .38 special's song Hold on Loosely - I always thought it was Hold on LUCY.

And, Toto's Hold the Line - to this day I still sing "oh the lies." I didn't even know that wasn't the words (or apparently the song name either) until just recently when my husband caught me singing it. Ha!

My husband is another one who is great at changing the lyrics to songs. They just roll off his tongue and are usually pretty risque. What a cut up.

Mandi @ It's come to this said...

Too funny!! Especial Tony Danza:) It's crazy how stupid so many lyrics are when you stop to read them!!

Heather @ Not a DIY Life said...

These are HILARIOUS!!! My fave on this list is Billy Jean. I can't think of any others right now, but my Hubs purposefully changes words in songs, a lot of them having to do with boogers and other bodily functions. Yes, he is a 12 year old boy trapped in a man's body.

Great post!

Brandi said...

HAHA! Yes, the Tony Danza is funny, but also disturbing 'cause, um, we ALL know that would be just fine with Elton.

My kids loved that song Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol... the one that goes If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world... Yeah, well my boys changed it to If I drink beer, If I just drink beer, would you drink with me... Nice right?

the jewells said...

Yep, I always thought it was Chester Drawers, too! Ditto as well on Tony Danza and Secret Asian Man! Madonna's Material Girl was Cheerio Girl to me...I used to belt out, "I'm a Cheerio, I'm a Cheerio, I'm a Cheerio Girl!" My lovely husband thought the song How Bizarre was actually How Was I? Niiiiiice.....

Susannah said...

I REALLY thought they were chester drawer too...maybe named after Chester? You are so funny! I love it!

Lisa said...

Living on Tulsa Time = Living on Toast and Wine

And shhh, don't tell anyone this, but until I was grown, I thought a fly swatter was a flice water. WHAT was I thinking?

It was good to see y'all on Halloween.


Amy said...

As a kid, I thought it was:

"Billy Jean is at my door" - I kept singing it over and over until my sister finally said "For the love of God, let her in!!" and then told me the right words :)

There are WAY too many more to list... :)

Anonymous said...

WOW! I'm the real redneck...until reading this post I've always thought it was Chester Drawers. How embarrassing!

Blondie said...

You know, your Billie Jean lyrics make much more sense for that era of MJ music!

I always and the same thing with Bad Moon Rising, too!

Holly said...

Up on the Housetop, reindeer pause (not paws).

Spread the word - it's my holiday mission this year! (Lame, I know...)

Anonymous said...

My sister and I always sang "Hang on Snoopy" instead of "Sloopy". My dad, a 1960's/Hang on Sloopy era frat boy, loved it!

Laurie said...

Hillary, I loved this post. I, too, sang "douche" for the longest time! And, I must confess that I thought it was "Chester" drawers until I was an adult as well!!!

Anonymous said...

This was hilarious, Hillary. I read it out loud to my hubs. Not only did he think they were chester drawers until his adulthood, but he also thought neapolitan ice cream was NAPOLEAN ice cream until he met me and I set him straight!

If anybody remembers "Eyes Without a Face" by Billy Idol. (1984---I was 12) I used to think he was singing, "How's about a date?"

VanderbiltWife said...

I never really know the lyrics to any song, it's awful. I'm famous in my house for that.

You know the Kenny Chesney song that goes "my best friends are pirates"? My DH had me convinced that I was an IDIOT for thinking it said pirates--that it DEFINITELY said pilots. I summed it up to another one of my lyrical mishaps. Just to find out that I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG. GRRR.

I'll never forget in middle school chorus when we sang "Hakuna Matata." Some girls behind me always sang "a can of hot tuna" and thought they were the funniest things in the world.

Unreasonable Grace said...

Awwww, why did you go and put the fine-boy Tony in Elton's arms?!?!?!? The Tony I had such a crush on would NOT!

And to think I just couldn't understand the words because I'm hard of hearing. Guess everyone else is too!

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness I peed a little bit in my pants when I read this post! Isn't it the truth how we screw up the lyrics. I STILL do it! I added your button to my blog because anyone that would use the word douche in their title post, I need to read what she has to say!

The HoneaBees said...

Um, anything Prince I pretty much screwed up and still to this day don't know what it all means. And probably don't want to know.

Here is an oldie for you-I have no idea who sang it, but maybe it's called "Angel of the morning"
"Just call me angel of the morning, angel. Just brush my teeth before you leave me, baby!"

And church song-Here Am I, Send Me was Here are mice and me. I still sing it like that. Can't stop.

Donna said...

This is so much fun to read. Two I remember. In high school I got in a fight with a guy about the lyrics to Prince's "dove's cry". I thought it was "maybe I'm just like my father...too bold". He said it was "maybe I'm just like my father, Tuplo" (as though that was his name). Also- when Marky hear's Black Eyed Peas "boom boom boom...gotta get that...boom boom boom" he says "Boom boom boom..gotta kitty cat...boom boom boom".

Holly Powers said...

What it's not Chester drawers? Oh my I am not as smart as I thought I was. I always found that bizarre but said it anyway. I wonder if my whole family knows this and didn't tell me. I shall find out tomorrow. Thanks Hillary - your blog makes my day :)

Mercy said...

that song Amadeous, Amadeous, rock me Amadeous. I used to sing it like this. Hot potatoe hot potatoe ....He he. Loved this post

dianne - bunny trails said...

OH. MY. GOODNESS. Those are HILARIOUS!! In fact, you inspired me to a blog post here.

In an effort to save you time, however, here are 3 of my favorite misheard lyrics:

The Doobie Brothers' Black Water - "I like to hiss and funk in Dixieland. Burger Mama, come and take me by the hand." (courtesy of my sister)

The Doobie Brothers' (again) China Grove - "Talkin' 'bout trying to grow . . . "

Five for Fightings' Superman - "I'm more than a man, with forty red sheep."

A big THANK YOU to Heather for sending me your way. Great blog!!

lynnea said...

It is, of course, "wrapped up like a douche, another booger in the night".

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