Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Why NOT to go to Church on Easter

In the spririt of love, joy, hospitality and kindness ("giving, sharing, receiving and having"- Anyone get that?), I thought I'd offer a warm and fuzzy Top Ten Tuesday list for you.  If you attend church most of the time, you notice there is quite a difference on Easter; it's kind of like shopping on Christmas Eve.
Sane people just shouldn't do it.
Here's why:

Top Ten Reasons You Should NOT Go to Church on Easter Sunday

10. By the time you arrive, your kids (and their hair) are hyped up on sugar.
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9. There are orange clad members of the infamous "Parking Lot Ministry" directing you as far away as possible from the closest entrance to the church.

8. You have to get all kinds of dressed up.
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7. Then children are made to pretend they are happy about embroidered and smocked things even though they are BOYS (as certain male members of our family keep reminding certain female members of our family).
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6. There is no way to get a picture of your cute, dressed up children looking at you at the same time.

5. It's guaranteed that somebody else has your normal seats.

4. You know there's going to be an alter call. And if somebody doesn't come down, there are 6 verses of "Up from the Grave He Arose" with your name written all over them.

3. Everybody and their mama is there, but you hardly get to speak to anyone because everybody AND THEIR MAMA is squashed in there like sardines.
Holy Sardines.

2. THIS is the Sunday your kids decide to sit on the floor and eat Goldfish OFF THE FLOOR. (Yes, I did take a picture in church- no flash, people. You notice we are in chairs? See #5.)
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1. It's harder to get dressed up kids to smile for a family photo than it is to prevent them from running out into a major intersection for said photo.
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Even though they've been rehearsing this genuine and natural look all day long.
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I think it's safe to say we should stay away next Easter. But I'm afraid I'd miss out on some quality photos, so I guess we'll just rock with the flock again next year.

Be sure to visit some other Top Ten Tuesday lists that are not nearly as irreverent at Oh Amanda's Top Ten Tuesday.

P. S. Jesus knows I'm just joking and so should you.

How was your Easter? (Ours was really fantastic, but that would make Jane a dull writer, wouldn't it?)


DairyQueen said...

You're a mess :) I totally get all of those! I missed church because of our new baby, but isn't your list just so true every year? Oh, and having had our first boy, my husband has become suddenly aware of how I dress our kids -at least the boy!

I always love stopping in to see what you have to say :)

Ivy said...

Our church was packed!! Troy and I sat down with my mom and brother in the middle of church, in the middle of a row and I immediately started feeling hot and dizzy. Right before church was under way, T and I went to the back and sat in chairs against the wall in case we needed to make a quick exit! Luckily, we made it through the whole church service!

Stephanie B said...

See, if you would just join a musical ensemble in the church, you'd have GREAT seats for Easter Sunday. Of course, you'd have to get there at oh-dark-thirty for the mandatory unnecessary pre-church rehearsals. BUT you'd have awesome seats. AND you'd get to hear the sermon at least twice. However, the downside is that you just might get trapped (with NO visible path of escape) into singing the Hallelujah Chorus with the ENTIRE sanctuary choir (because your awesome seats happen to be in the choir loft). So take that into consideration next Easter..... :-)

Kathy @ House of Hills said...

SO TRUE! SO TRUE! In fact, my daughter hasn't been to church on Easter ummm ever. LOL!
My husband and I both serve long hours on Sundays normally, and it happens to get even longer on Easter, so my Princess goes to hang out and Grandma's. Then we meet over there for an early dinner. We do all the picture taking there. :)

Simply Mel said...

Love it! So true. You are hysterical! I don't usually sing in the choir but I did this past Sunday and my daughter kept waving maniacally at me while I was up there. I was also giving my hubby meaningful yet dirty looks to get him to remember to video the song our choir was singing. He totally didn't get it. And didn't film either!

Mandi @ It'scome2this said...

Girl! You crack me up!! So true. So true!

Carrie said...

That is hilarious! And soooooo true. Your boys looks so handsome all dressed up. I know just what you mean about the little boys wearing smocking debate. My brother and his wife have that "discussion" all the time ;)

Anonymous said...

LOL! Our solution to the Easter Morning Sugar high is that the Easter Bunney comes while we are at church! Seriously. All baskets are filled and ready the night before. I always manage to forget the offering envelope and have to run back inside to get it...bingo! We return from church only to find that the rascally rabbit visited while we were gone!

Totally know what you mean about the crowds on Easter. I'd love to see everyone the rest of the year! We opted for the "overflow" mass in the school gym this year, as Teen Daughter#1 was singing, Teen Son#1 was assigned as the scripture reader and PreTeen Son#2 was an altar server. It was standing room only, even in the gym, with all the kids sitting on the floor, and all the grandmas in the folding chairs.

Allison said...

Great photos!

Another reason to stay away on Easter Sunday = extra long service + toddlers = crabby pants with only 15 minutes left to go. And a momma running for the door with this particular toddler.

Mary @ Giving Up On Perfect said...

I can't believe you took a picture AT church. For shame! ;)

Also - that long altar call business? Imagine that times six services while standing in the choir loft. I mean, it's great. :)

Kelly said...

"Everyone and their momma" .... I like to call them CEO's (Christmas and Easter ONLY). It's absolutely rediculous that you have to go to Mass 30-45 minutes EARLY to get any kind of seat and seating in your usual spot, forget it! We haven't been on Christmas or Easter in many years although we go almost every non-holiday Sunday. I imagine as our children get older then we will brave it.

BTW .. love the boys' Easter outfits. I am so lucky that my hubby never really minded the smocked/embroidered stuff even on our son. Either way, I look at like this ... when he can carry a 10 lb baby for 9+ months and nurse said baby for 6+ months then he can pick out baby's clothes. Just sayin'.

Ashley said...

Great post! :) I totally understand the "Easter frustration"!

Amy said...

It is SO crazy on Easter!! And I hear ya on the kid photos. Why do we put ourselves - and our kids - through such misery?! :)

The Gunter Family said...

Look at you!! You look fantastic! And I want that outfit of H's too! :) Don't forget about our little deal now!

Anonymous said...

We bailed on Easter services this year because our rector announced, via email two days before, that he was going to use incense in both services.

That guarantees me a trip to the hospital (asthma and severe allergies), so no service for us. Sigh.

I guarantee, though, that it was packed. It always is.

Stacey @ Tree, Root, and Twig said...

I think I love you. Is that creepy? Oh well, I'm gonna send this comment to publish anyway. :) What a fantastic post! (and I'm particularly feelin' you on the "regular seats" deal)

nicole said...

We got to Mass 45 minutes early to make sure we got seats. Of course, guilt set in and we ended up squishing 7 of us into 4 chairs. Thank goodness my kids are tiny.

Your family is lovely. I took no pictures of the kids in their Easter finery. Oops.

The Incredible Shrinking Woman said...

I actually was texting with my brother in church (silently, of course) because we were trying to figure out where they were, and we happened to have extra seats next to us (#11- if you want room to spread out in the seats of Easter Morning Church, skip the deodorant... works like the parting of the red sea with people) and my husband (who does not attend church but on Christmas and Easter) said "Jesus is watching you. STOP IT." So I put my phone away. But I was doing it in my lap.... ;)

Heather @ Not a DIY Life said...

Funny!! I don't mind the eating-the-goldfish-off-the-floor if mine would just be quiet and listen for once. Is it too much to ask for an Easter miracle?

Thanks for sharing the laughs :-)

Z.J. Ascensio said...

Those are some great photos (even that sneaky one at church lol). It looks like you had a great Easter regardless of the hassle at the service. :)

Amy Bennett said...

Hilarious!! Cute pics!

Holly said...

Okay, the "Jesus knows I'm joking and so should you." just made me spew my coke. That list was too funny!

Dawn said...

too funny! i have heard so many stories about crowded churches! our church just gets full. which is nice. no orange parking attendants! i love the outfits... i say dress them in smocking as long as you can!

Doing the Mom Thing said...

This post had me laughing. So true! I love the one about your boys in embroidered items. Too cute!

Staci said...

OK, first you know I've got to address the quote at the beginning. None other than Joey's vows for Monica & Chandler's wedding. LOVE IT!

Secondly, your accuracy in church idiosyncrasies (I probably butchered that!) is dead on! You cracking me up!

Carrie G said...

We visited a church for Easter! Not a good idea!

oh amanda said...

I love you.

Tammy said...

Hilarious! You think the Lord would allow just one picture of kids looking at the camera....just for the mommas!

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