What the Elf

In case we aren't Facebook friends {and why aren't we? You can be a blog fan AND we can be friends, if you'd like}, you might not have known that Jason and I attended the National Youth Workers Convention in Atlanta this weekend. It was wonderful and is deserving of an entire post to come.

My in-laws were kind enough to keep our kiddos and we loved the conference {much more than having the sex talk with the youth we teach at church}. I guess it all comes with the same package, though.

Last night when we were putting the kids to bed, Ollie was telling me all about Santa Claus. {He got to watch some Santa movies at Nana and Grandpa's this weekend.} I remembered that I had that Christmas Elf thing somewhere that scares the be-Jesus out of your kids and thought I should bring it up in conversation.

You know what I'm talking about right? This Elf thing. We tried it last year, but Ollie kept grabbing it and throwing it around and I didn't think Santa would appreciate that, so he magically disappeared.

Anywho, I think our kids might "get it" this year and he might appear for a while.
Here's how the intro conversation went:

Ollie: Mommy, Santa watches you when you are sleeping to see if you are good.

Me: Yes, he even sends an Elf to live here to make sure you are being a good boy and each night the elf reports back to the North Pole.

O: F is a letter, mommy.

Me: No, not an "F"- an elf.

O: A, B, C, D, E, ELLLFFF, G

Me: No, buddy. An Elf. Like... an ELF... that lives with Santa.

O: "Elf" is for Firetruck and Fox.

Me: {laughing hysterically at our Southern accent miscommunication- reminds me of "Chester drawers"} An elf is like a little man who helps Santa make toys at the North Pole. But this one comes to live with us and report back to Santa Claus every night. [Repeating. I realize.]

O: How does he do that when he's in the alphabet?

Oh, my. It was a comedy of errors. I'm not sure if I should bring out that dang elf or not.
Have you tried him at your house?
Or do you think it would be fun?

I've heard of many people with success stories, but I'd love to hear your take.
And if he doesn't work again this year, I think I'll just stick him in the Chester Drawers for good.

A Perfect Thanksgiving

My mom can't cook.
Don't worry. I asked her for permission to say that. {She may not be able to cook, but she DID raise me right!}

The truth is, she adds her own ingredients to recipes, puts the mixed product in the wrong sized dishes for baking and has burned a few dishes in her day.

What she lacks in the cooking arena, though, she makes up for in cleaning charm.
She is the best hostess you have ever met. She will give you a warm welcome, offer a drink and just happen to have some crackers and cheese ready for you. She loves pithy {e.g. "Wine is a serving of fruit! I'll have two!"} or customized party napkins {like Other Mama- her mom} and always has the perfect serving dish. No one ever felt like a stranger in our home... just as long as she didn't cook.

But there is one dish that she can make like a Paula Dean and Martha Stewart combined {let's call her Paula Stewart} that's a warm Southern delicacy: Broccoli and Cheese Casserole.
She made it every Thanksgiving and there was never any left. Paula would be so proud.

Every year, while we were watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, the smell of warm rice and warmer Cheez Whiz filled our home. And we loved it! Even the smell of broccoli in the microwave was wonderful because you knew it would soon be swimming in cheese- the way God and nature intended it.

We would load up in the car, drive 30 minutes to Uncle William's farm and eat with the entire Hart family. We often played "frisbee around the pond" {in what would later be named Frisbee Golf by other people with less creative naming abilities}, ping pong with a complete tourney bracket, horseshoes and the wonderful American sport of Football Watching.

When lunch time finally came, we loaded up our Chinet plates, headed to the kids card table and laughed at whatever was goofy that year: a new uncle, a new hairdo or the wettest attempt to retrieve a frisbee from the pond {I AM from Alabama; you know that right? We don't let good frisbees go to waste!}. We had the usual fare: turkey, ham, sweet potato casserole, Sister Schubert rolls, beans and tons of desserts. But the broccoli and cheese was a staple. And I was very proud it came from our home.

In honor of Mary's Giving up on a Perfect Thanksgiving, I'd love to share the family recipe with you. My Thanksgiving won't be entirely perfect this year because I won't be with my mom and dad, but Thanksgiving would never be the same without the Broccoli and Cheese Casserole.
I may give up on perfection, but I am a sucker for tradition.

Rhonda's Famous Broccoli and Cheese Casserole
Ingredients

- 1 big bag of frozen cut broccoli {preferably florets; I'm pretty sure I paid 1/2 of that price FYI}
- 16 oz can of Cheez Whiz {you're loving this already, aren't you?} {And that CW was all they had at Tar-jhay. I tasted fine, but it's not the norm.}
- 1 can cream of mushroom or chicken soup
- 1 box Uncle Ben's long grain wild rice {NOT the quick cook kind} {I used mushroom because I didn't have cream of mushroom soup- my soup preference.}

Directions
{Here's the truth: I was busy with one child crying, one applying stickers to furniture and a sick-ish husband, so I forgot to take pictures in the steps. You can get this, though. I promise.}
1) Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.
2) Cook rice according to package directions.
3) Cook broccoli in microwave 8 minutes. Add 2 tbsp of water, then cook 5 minutes more.
4) Stir Cheez Whiz and soup together.
5) Drain broccoli.
6) Pam {You like that? A verb!} casserole dish then add broccoli, rice and cheese mix {in that order}. {Proof Jason was sick: his prescription meds made the picture.}

7) Bake for 30 minutes until it's bubbly and beautiful.
* Can add chunks of chicken if you want to get all crazy with it, but why mess with perfection?

Isn't that wonderfully easy? I wish you could taste some. It is really SO simple and SO delicious.

So thank you, Mom! Not only for the wonderful recipe, but also for teaching us that Thanksgiving perfection is not in the food or the cooking, but in the warmth of family and friends.
I'm thankful that we have such wonderful traditions, years of funny stories and never-a-dull-moment, non-perfect Thanksgivings.
But I'm most thankful that Dad cooked the other 364 days of the year.
{Love you, mom! Thanks for letting us laugh with you. You are a good sport!}

For more imperfect dinners, family traditions and surely a fried turkey fire, head over to Mary's Giving Up On a Perfect Thanksgiving. She has wonderful prizes today and you can add your stories, too!

A Open Letter to Miss Piggy

Dear Miss Piggy,
As much as I enjoyed your antics in childhood, I do not enjoy the thought of your flu.

Your quick temper, overindulgent shopping extravaganzas and love of self should have forewarned me that you were up to no good. To think that all those years you were swooning over Kermit, you really had different intentions: to infect him!

Maybe that wasn't the case, but you are seeming quite suspicious these days {and trampy! WOW!}.

So, as much as I tossed and turned, read studies and gnashed teeth, our kids got the swine flu shot.
So there.
With or without controversy, please stay away.

Yours truly,

P. S. I still loved you in Muppets Take Manhatan!

Did you vaccinate or not?
Please do not send hate mail or comments if you have extreme opinions one way or the other. This is really just meant as a conversation. REALLY.
Hello, did you see the picture of Miss Piggy above? Okay, then. Thanks.

Make like a tree and get outta here*

We have a few leaves around our house.
"Few" would be like saying Twilight might have a "few" people go see the new movie this weekend. {BTW, I'm not at all into it. Should I be?}

While Jason took to the yard with his Ghostbuster-backpack-looking leaf blower, he made some fun piles for the boys.
And that made Saturday the perfect fall day.

The boys got to hang out,

Spend a little time climbing,
Explore together

And have a little air time {note the starting distance needed for that air}.


I also made a slight observation that I had known was true all along!

Other than my slight grass envy, our morning was perfect and I am very thankful for the time to play with my kiddos shining in all their boyhood.

One more of my flying man:


Have you taken time to jump in the leaves, yet?

* The origin of that title? It's from Biff in Back to the Future, of course.
As any good Michael J. Fox crushee from the 80s would know!

P.S. Yesterday's post was so much fun! But even more fun were all the comments.
Y'all had me laughing all day long. I LOVE your comments. Thank you for the time to leave them! And they are surely the best part of that post! Go read them if you haven't already!

In which the word "Douche" appears on my blog

I am here to tell you I am lyrically challenged.

It all started with MJ back in good ole days. I had the Thriller album {YES- vinyl} and played that thing till it melted- or was warped. Who remembers what those big old Frisbees-lookin’ things did anyway?

Back to Michael, when he sang Billie Jean, we moon walked across our brown shag carpet and sang, “Billie Jean has got my glove, UHH”.

There was no mention of a “lover” in our version and I’m pretty sure my parents were happy that way! It wasn’t until college that I knew the real words.

I also thought a Chest of Drawers was called “Chester Drawers” until my college roommate told me otherwise, but I’d never reveal my redneckness to the whole wide world, so let’s keep that under wraps, okay?

I love these song mix ups, so for Amanda’s Top Ten Tuesday, I’m playing along with the Top 10 Songs whose lyrics I have mistakenly identified or have just made fun of because they sounded funny.

1. Billie Jean/ Michael Jackson
- See above. She’s "got my glove, UHH”

2. Beast of Burden/ Rolling Stones
- “I’ll never leave your pizza burning” {pronounced “peeetza”, obviously}

3. Hotel California/ The Eagles
- “On a dark desert highway, cool whip in my hair” {especially fun to sing on road trips}

4. Purple Haze/ Jimi Hendrix
- “Excuse me while I kiss this guy” {No explanation needed here. I would definitely kiss this little guy:}


5. Blinded by the Light/ Mannfred Mann’s Earth Band {of course I had to look that up}
- Do I even need to write this? You know there is a “douche” in this song and it makes me kinda cringe, but it has to go on this list. What in the world were those stupid words?

6. Secret Agent Man/ Johnny Rivers
- “Secret Asian Man” {especially fun at Chinese restaurant, but probably in poor taste}

7. Bad Moon Rising/ CCR
- “There’s a bathroom on the right” {always fun at a frat party and usually correct!}

8. Night Moves/ Bob Seger
- “Workin’ on a knife wound” {I guess I got this and the Night Shift – an ER night shift- song confused.}

9. Bennie and the Jetts/ Elton John
- “she’s got electric boobs, a mohair suit, you know I read it in a maga-zeeee—haaane” {Clearly this is true since he read it in a magazine.}

10. Tiny Dancer/ Elton John
- “Hold me closer, Tony Danza” {You'd think with this being the title, one would know the words, but it's just much more fun to picture Elton and Tony, isn't it?}


Ah, yes. Have a lovely day.
You can thank me later when you are still singing about Tony Danza at dinner.

So what are your favorites from this list?
What lyric did I leave out that you always got confused/ laughed about?

And please tell me the words to that wretched feminine hygiene song if you know them... I've got to get THAT and Tony Danza out of my head.

Hopefully I can replace with some peeeeetza and cool whip in my hair.